Daughter!

Seriously.

I hate the place I’m living in .
Whom should I fear to hold in this truth.
What should I fear for being true to everyone.
It’s been years since I’ve been suffering mentally for being here.
Surrounded by the very same people who don’t even care what they say or do but take much care on what I does!
I’m grateful for what all I’ve been blessed with.
I’m grateful for all your kind services till now.
But the kind of hospitality you people have provided is always a killing rudeness to my thoughts over this world.
Making me even think like I’m the worst on this planet!!
For what I’m pleading to have a change .
To feel the freshness of a new life .
To breath in some new air clean from hatred, fear and agony.
To see through non-barred eyesight.
And to live through some good vibes.
For everything I’ve been through except the material possessions, I’ve got nothing else but sufferings to my soul.
Standing alone for what I think is right.
For my rights were based on global brotherhood and universal love!
And if I get a chance …I’m dying to shoutout to the world that I need a change and a chance to live a better life than before .
And I’m waiting and wishing for someone to take me away from this hell of jealousy and pride that eventually I might be killed by those words this place is catering me with!

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POETS!

No! It shouldn’t have happened. Sleepless nights and tireless mornings were the new mundane. Why should someone be held overnight and blamed day long?! She’s got people around who seem to care much but behave rude. Rudeness was the new normal. It was like, they knew no matter what they say and do. . . She’s gonna stay. Stay till she’s given to some safe and caring hands.! Who knows what on the Earth could be her fate that if her future too holds much caring rude manners??!  For everyone out there she was something strange. A kind of blended creature holding something inside. No one ever understood what it was to be her until it was late.

A not so tall, long black haired, with a nervous look. This is all what she was to most of them. To some other she was a dumb, while she had millions of words struck at her throat. Suffocated. Better said sophisticated! Holding her thoughts to herself was like a magic spell she managed to keep inside until some other oerson was the only one changed by its power. It was nothing like a fairy tale. It was more like a horror that haunted all her life. 

“That person is a poison! Why do you want yourself to be killed by that?!!” Asked one of her so called ‘close friend’ perhaps. “There are  different ways to kill yourself. Some choose to jump from a height. Some hang on the ceiling. And for some, slowly getting themselves  poisoned day by day and getting killed must be the way. And I chose to be poisoned!” she ended it in her most beautiful smile which makes Aurora puzzled!!! Oh Aurora…that close friend she is.

Every day seemed lifeless to her. Even her thoughts taking their way out of her, so hardly. “Please stay!” Was the only words everyone had…once she decided to leave. That words rumbled inside her since she could not find a reason to. STAY she scribbled in to her pages, as many times as she can. Still had to move on since she had decided to. But for once she did have a thought “should I stay for everyone seem to be sad at my departure!?, No! I should Go.” Though her sister pleaded her not to and her Mom serving all her favourite dishes for somedays by then, nothing stopped her from doing so. Wrapped up with hugs and kisses…wet with tears is how she left.  Ever since she left, nothing was the same. Not even her.

“She never came back??!” “Why did you people let her do this???!” These were the kind of looks everyone had towards all those who held her once. Just once have they heard from her since she left, to which they are looking forward…

“I’m curing. Will be back. Endless thanks for letting me do this.”

And what takes anyone to go behind the story of this girl is just some pieces from her diary…. since she never left a suicide note!

NICOLE, 19.

 2:00am FRIDAY. 

MY DIARY,  

BLACK HOLE. 

Dear Diary, you are dear ever since you are mine. deo! 

The day was good from the start till now. It was as usual filled with pills and good talks. I heard a pill saying to the other that it’s fed up being wrapped around …(just like the way i did! Ovewhelmed with care that I felt suffocated.)while other pill replied “just wait she’s preparing for you!” .Hey deo, I wish if someone can say that to me. Isn’t that seriously interesting that someone is having a watch on us so calmly that even they are calm to know that we are slowly dying? Simply knowing that they’ll be following us once we leave! But those pills are moreover fixed to know their so called ‘expiry date’!!! But sadly most of the time they are mostly killed even before the exp date. Doesn’t that coinside with our lives? That even if  someone say that we have got these much days ahead, never in a million years they can change if we are to leave before that or luckily live beyond that. Just as in case when pills get outdated haha! none is gonna kill it swallowed fearing that they might too get outdated !! 

Diseases are of so different types just much different as each individual it gets into

 

This disease treats me. Like none ever have did .Morning to evening, even at late nights . No matter where I am! . It wakes me up. Let me sleep. And  keeps me awake. Rarely asleep. But it treats even you too in a way noone ever have did…it makes you aware not to have anymore commitments with me just because it had taken over all of me, leaving not even a thing for anyone else to share with! Anyway I feel blessed to feel the way it moves about my life keeping me reserved to live it to its full than I did before. Though it was Dr.pediatric who announced my arrival, this time the credit goes to Dr.onco!  For announcing my departure. Doctors are just funny as they can make people cry out of joy and the other way out the other time! So on and on and on!!
It was fun growing up. I can simply remember everything from my childhood to the hood I’m right now. Praise be to Lord! I don’t even have to make anyone forgive me since they might even forget even the worst I’ve done to them beacuse they must be dying over sympathy! 

Why do people say that life is so short even though it’s the longest thing we ever experience !?

I’m to wonder because I’ve been given a chance to value it. Otherwise I too might have been deluded by the idea of this world! I don’t know what people wish to take with them once they know they are gonna be no more ? Anyway I have a wish . Just so simple as it is. I wish to uncover my passion to live along someone. Who might or might not wish for the same. I just wanna know what it is to be like that person. We never met each other. But we know each other is a fact to be told. And how this disease treated that person is by making myself away. Hoping someone better to take that place. Who have not been dated. Simply means, less heart breaks. Dad and mom. I’m waiting to meet you back there. Just as if everything’s normal. Please don’t be empathetic. I don’t need that. 

Anyway. I choose not to take anything with me. I just wanna leave as many things as possible before I leave. Afterall, I can never come back once I’m gone. And that make enough sense. And by everything in this world I can swear that nothing makes a big deal than ‘to Love and being Loved’. It takes everything you have and everything you will have, to make it. Though people have said life’s short no one ever said it’s easy! 

Yours and everyone’s.